Diving Into Darkness
by Kakashifan727
Summary: A 22 year old, slightly drug addled Kakashi tries to cope with the harsh realities of Shinobi Life by turning to the one thing that had always given him solace; Come come Paradise. Can he find what he is looking for in the little orange books? Or will his mind be unable to distinguish fiction from reality, as far gone as his pysch is?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Let's see how much better I've gotten. Hope this turns out better than the first one. It's all told from Kakashi's POV, by the way. I'm writing this more for fun(fanserivce for me, teh womenz(and ga(u)yz who know Kakashi is awesome) too) really. It _will_ be serious, but I won't update as much due to HGN taking priority.**

** Still unsure of what I want the book universe to be. From the filler part of the first Shippuden ep, I think that it looks like a more modern Narutoverse. However, having it be too similar to the Real World would be boring, so I'm making some adjustments. Kinda want to go for a cyberpunk feel with guns and some advanced tech, not too much, and with samurai. Think like Samurai Champloo or something, that's really the only example I know. Kakashi is projecting himself into the main character's shoes, imagining himself in situations from the book to explain the premise a bit better. But still, I would appreciate it if you do take my warnings to heart with at least a grain of salt. And don't worry, no other author's note of mine will be this big ever again  
**

**... ... ...**

**Real World**

I thought I had heard a knock, the claps of thunder outside my small apartment resounding against the thin walls. No wonder I've been hearing things; this place is getting slightly old, though I have taken care of it the best I could since I bought it during my years in Anbu. That was a long time ago, however, slightly over six years. My index finger glides over the calendar in-between the kitchen and the living room, finally stopping on today's date. I sigh both inwardly and outwardly, closing my one visible eye as I lean against the wall.

"My birthday again, huh? Wonder what scheme those idiots will cook up for my 'surprise' party...Better not be anything like last year's, or I swear..."

I say into the empty hallway, my gaze turning towards the doors at the end, right and left, leading to the bedroom and bathroom. I feel my face heat up slightly as I recall the disastrous events from last year's party, my twenty-first. All of my friends, that is, most of the male Jounin and a couple Anbu that still had a sense of humor, thought it would be hilarious to get me so drunk that I started seeing double and paid a 'female-escort' to bring me home along with a couple of the other guys. At the time I was pretty pissed, and a little even now, but looking back at it, I understand that this was their way of trying to get me to loosen up a little. To them stuff like that was a way to cool off and relieve stress, not that I condone them for it or anything; it's just picking up some whore off the street and paying her to have some fun together just wasn't my idea of a good time. Drinking a little and goofing around every now and then with buddies was fun, though it did get boring after a while.

Well, I guess it was an important year, being the age where one can legally drink and all along with being considered an 'adult' in the civilian community at least. Ninjas are a bit different as they consider one an adult as soon as you don the headband, though drinking is still illegal until twenty-one. I grimly smile as I remember the day I graduated from the ninja academy, watching as all the other children were picked up by their parents while I, only five years old that day, had to walk home alone. It wasn't as if I hated my father for doing what he did, I just never could, and still can't, understand why. I didn't mind that he was busy with missions and couldn't spend time with me; he made up for that in other ways. I didn't care that he couldn't play with me like a normal parent with a child could; even then I understood what it meant to be a ninja and what one had to give up. He was doing all these things for not just me, but for everyone in our small village, down to the people he didn't even know.

I may have been young, but I wasn't so selfish as to keep him away from his duty, and I knew that he'd find other ways to make it up like he always promised. I loved him for that, the self-sacrifices he forced onto himself in order to keep everybody safe and happy. Still, I won't ever forget the day he left for that mission, even now I still remember as if it was yesterday. I look down to see my right hand involuntarily shaking slightly, and calm it by grabbing a hold of it with my left hand. After a couple seconds, I let go of my hand, feeling that the shaking has stopped. _It still gets me so worked up, every time I think about that day...or any of the rest after. _I think, closing my eye as I take a deep breath. My ears pick up the sound of the rain slapping against the window panes, the thunder rumbling and lightning flashing outside. I turn towards the living room, my bare feet making small thumps as they land on the wooden floor. I have been forced to take a short break from missions by the Hokage, the Lord Third saying that too many solo missions will take a toll on my health.

I do appreciate his concern, but I think I understand my body well enough that I know I can keep serving the village. This two week break was not needed; I would have gladly been out on a mission or two already if I could do something about it. The Third's orders are absolute, and I shouldn't question his authority even if I think I know better. His actions remind me of the Fourth, who did the same thing when I was a Jounin; He seemed to think a week off from being a ninja would lessen the stress a little. Back then, so close after Obito's death I had been pushing myself as well; the more missions I could do, the better. Sitting down on the couch, I close my eyes and try to relax just a little. It has only been the second day of my 'vacation', so I have been trying to avoid doing much in order to calm down. This doesn't mean I don't go to the Memorial Stone in the early mornings or train during the day or afternoon, however. Taking a break is one thing, falling into a pattern of laziness is another.

I have already done both of those today; I had to stop my training midway because of the approaching storm. Ninja do fight in dangerous conditions every so often, be it rain, snow or sleet (though the Fire Country never sees snow) but fighting with metal during a thunderstorm is asking to be hit by lightning. Even with my Double-Handed Lighting-Blade, which can cut through lightning like bread, this is still no reason to be stupid. So here I am now, wearing my Jounin pants with the bandages and shirtless a towel draped around my neck slightly soaked due to the rain arriving a little faster than I anticipated. Taking the towel in my hands, I bend my neck just a little so I can make sure I can reach it, while rustling my silver hair with my hands. Feeling that it is sufficiently dry, I take the towel and hang it over the side of the couch, pushing my bangs out of my face so I can see. Grabbing the small book by my table I quickly flip to the page I have left off, and soon fall into a lull, captivated by Jiraiya's prose and plight of the two main characters.

And by prose I do not mean the romantic scenes or the smut...though they are written pretty well, not that I would know. Now I'm not trying to say that most of this isn't shameless smut scene after smut scene, which it is, and I wholly understand if people are turned off by that. Mind you, the Make Out series is not the only literature I've read; it's just what I am currently obsessed over. I have read plenty of regular books as well, from fantasy to any given genre, I just prefer a mixture of that and romance(or smut). What I'm talking about is the way he writes the world and the characters that inhabit it. It's easy to see the work he puts into making each character, from their backstories (if somewhat cliche) to their deaths. Every time a character dies, or at least most of the time, you will feel something for them; whether it be for their unfulfilled ambitions, or for the loved ones they will leave behind. The world they inhabit is just as dynamic and expands with each and every few chapters; alliances are forged, promises are broken, people are betrayed and every time it happens it will feel as shocking as the first.

_Every time...even though I know what happens already, it still shocks me to the core. _I think, my eyes widening as they read the fateful sentence. In this particular passage, the main hero has been forced to kill his comrade, his once faithful teammate having switched over to the supposedly 'evil' side. It kind of strikes a chord with me, as being a ninja, your alliances may change often. What you thought was good could turn out to actually be evil, or the lesser evil may be taking a couple hundred lives in order to save thousands. Those kinds of choices are hard to make, no matter who you are, and the consequences can deeply impact you for the rest of your life. Like my old man...he himself decided that the lesser evil was to give up on his mission and save his comrades. The village saw it the other way; and so did the people he saved, who shunned him. Dad eventually took his own life as the consequence, leaving me alone at the age of seven...

"Tch. Why the hell am I thinking about him now, of all times!"

I grumble, the tranquil feeling I had gone almost in an instant. I close the orange book I was reading, being sure to remember what page I was on, before putting it back on the table. I get off the couch, not bothering about the small towel laying across the side, and head into my bedroom. Clicking on the small ceiling light, I go over to my bedside, my eye resting on the picture frames near the windowsill. Something in my stomach churns and feels like dead weight inside me as I take a hold of the oldest photo in the bunch. My late mother is in the photo, along with my father and what is probably me as an infant. I focus on her first, her simple brown locks out of place and otherworldly next to me and my father with our stark silver-white hair. It flows past her shoulders all the way down to her hips, swaying gently in the breeze along with the simple kimono she is wearing.

Her face is beaming, my mother's two hazel eyes staring directly at my infant self who is cuddled in her arms. My late mother has a small nose, slightly pointed and curved at the bridge, which contrasts with her large pink lips. Her skin is slightly grey in tone, making me wince as I remembered our short childhood together. She was always somewhat frail and sickly before my birth, though that seemed to make her even more fragile. Sometimes I do wonder if she would have lived longer had I not been born, but I am glad she did choose to have me, even if she knew it would shorten her life by a few years. My memories of her are somewhat hazy, as I was only three years old when she died, though I little I can recollect is precious all the same. My mother would play with me when Dad was busy with missions or clean the house, as she was a civilian and felt it was best she stay home to make sure I was well looked after.

The one thing I have never forgotten is her love for me; even when she could go gossip with the other women around the village or go shopping on her own, she chose not to or brought me along with her. If I try really hard I can remember the feeling of her hand in my small one, her skin rough from the years as a child spent working in the fields. Interestingly enough, the clan on my mother's side was one of the few to actually live in the village when it was founded. My father's clan immigrated sometime after the First Ninja World War, seeing that they could get well paid jobs as mercenaries in Leaf than elsewhere. They were born with completely white hair back then, something seen as strange even in the Five Nations, along with a chakra that rivaled the Uzumaki. Unlike the Uzumaki, the Hatake clan did not promote inbreeding with family members, not caring about power or status, and the genes eventually thinned out. Our hair became grey, and we could no longer understand the secrets behind our chakra abilities. This happened around my great-grandfather's time, at the middle of the Second War. It doesn't really bother me how powerful our clan was back then, as it was common with many others during the times as well. This was apparently how both the Hyuuga, Uchiha and Senju were made as well, which is more interesting. If they were so powerful then, what were they before? I doubt I'll ever get answers to those questions, though it is fun to speculate.

I put the frame back down, having finished looking at it, and hold the one next to it. My eye slowly travel over my master's face, his features reminding me of Naruto's. I still missed him, as he was like a father figure to me after my Dad died, and I feel the weight in my stomach dropping deeper as I remember his little boy. To be honest, I didn't know what to think of the kid; he looked so much like my master but had all the spirit and fire of Kushina. _Seems he also inherited her love of ramen too. Teuchi talked about him fondly the last time I was there..._I think, smiling a little as I move my eye towards my other teammate. He is smiling in the photo, just like before he died, although his expression isn't pained here. I still blame myself for Obito's death; he's one of the reasons I still go to the memorial stone even though it's been almost nine years since that mission. I also go for Rin too, even though i wasn't directly involved with her death; she died while on a mission to a neighboring country. I'm pretty sure she was going to treat injured and sick villagers near Rice country. I could have done something, and I made a promise to protect her.

"Well, I may have failed on my promise but at least the of them two are together up there, right?"

I comment, this bleak hope about the only thing comforting me. I may be a great ninja, but I'm still human. I've made lots of mistakes, and caused myself and many others grief. If I could go back in time to fix my mistakes with the knowledge I've gained now...Of course, that kind of thing is impossible, so I need to use the power I have now to prevent myself from making any more mistakes. _This is depressing...I should stop thinking about this. _I remind myself, knowing that brooding never gets anything done. I was like this after Obito's death too, and just moped around and sulked for the longest time.

"Even though I don't like it, I'm on vacation. I should try and enjoy myself a little..."

I mutter, my one eye moving away from the picture frame to the window outside. The clouds were grey and black, the flashes of lightning stinging my eye due to the brightness. Every so often thunder roared outside, contrasting with the tiny pit-pats of the rain as they dropped onto the window. I put the frame back down, sitting on my bed and clasping both my hands together. What could I do to relax? The whole purpose of this mandatory vacation was to get my mind off of ninja duties and relieve stress. I've already read most of the books in my closet, besides being too obsessed with the Make Out series right now to read anything else. I would go see what the other Jounin were doing, but most likely they were on missions, and I could not go with them. I really had no acquaintances in the civilian populace, besides the bookstore owner and Teuchi at the ramen shop, since I was a regular at both places. Racking my brain for solutions provided nothing useful, and I was hoping to find something to do today. Going outside and continuing my training was a no-go, as it seemed this storm would last for a while. Playing with my ninken, though they were dogs used for combat and tracking missions, was out of the question due to the bad weather as well. They really enjoyed spending time with me too, but I did not like summoning them indoors since they make my apartment a big mess. Not to say they aren't trained not to do that stuff, but I have about ten of them, and it's a hassle to keep track of so many even in this small apartment. They wouldn't be able to go outside to do their business either, and I do not feel like picking up after ten dogs.

I sigh, cupping one of my hands on my chin, something shiny catching my eye. I see my reflection in the dresser across my bed, my face tired and slightly haggard looking. _I really __don't look so good; no wonder the Third wanted me to take off... _I contemplate this, while tugging at the small bags forming under my eyelids. My face is gaunt, the skin pale and thinned out in places due to the small rations I eat while on missions. Taking soldier pills is also another reason for my shrunken and sallow cheekbones, the chemicals in the pills combined with the fact that they help burn calories causes the fat to disappear and the melange to turn from tan to a greyish color. In order to cope with the fact that I have chakra drainage when using the Sharingan, I need to sometimes take two or three pills during a single mission. It's not often that I use the Sharingan, so I don't need to use the pills as a supplement all the time, but it is detrimental as compared to replenishing chakra normally by eating or resting.

I pull on the skin around my face, watching as it deforms to show the indents of the bones around my nose, the pointed tips showing clearly. _Wow, I need to stop taking these pills...it could end up injuring me in the long run. Still, I get tired if I don't take them and that effect has been getting slightly worse for a while. Have I become addicted to these things? I doubt it, as I don't consume too many of them in a regular fashion; I hardly have more than four during a two month period, so it can't be that. Even for a ninja though, taking that many soldier pills is bound to lead to negative health consequences... _I reason, my hands moving away from my face to go back onto my lap. I get off of the bed, not wanting to look at myself any longer and go back into the living room. Hoping to finish the next couple chapters of my book, I lay down on the couch, my back resting against the arm of the couch as the book is in my hand. My eyes start to glaze over as I continue reading, a yawn coming out of my mouth, but continue on as I am determined to finish the book. I nod off every so often, my eyes slowly closing shut only for them to snap open, my head leaning forward into the pages of the book. It isn't long before I start nodding off completely, the book in my hand dropping down to my stomach and my arm hanging limply off the side of the couch.

... ... ..

**Inside the Book**

I stare at the blood dripping down my arm, the pain from the wound sharply spreading down to the tips of my fingers. The hole was small. only about a couple inches or so wide, but my left arm felt numb; trying to command it to move was useless. Pain shot through my right shoulder once more, making me wince and cough up blood, adding to the already large puddle on the tatami mat below my feet. I narrow my eyes, my silver bangs hiding the raw and fresh cut on my forehead, slightly turning my face towards the door I had only come through fifteen minutes before. The grip I have on my katana tightens as I see the two dead bodies piled up in the doorway; one sliced through the abdomen with its entrails leaking out onto the floor, and the other shot in numerous places; their torso, the left side of the face, and through the left thigh just above the kneecap. The smell was nauseating, but it wasn't the first time I had seen such a gruesome sight; it was common happenings all over the town, seeing as it was run by crooked politicians and figureheads who had all the authority of a puppet.

I have gotten used to the lawlessness and depravity that ran these streets; most people had to, or else you'd wind up dead in an alley after being mugged for a loaf of bread. You either went with the gangs who recruited fighters and whores, or the police force which was basically the same thing but backed by the government. Either way, you had to be tough to do so or you'd end up dead. Now that I think about it, it's kinda sad that the only choices you can get are turning to a life of violence and crime or having no life at all. I wonder if all places throughout Japan are like this; I wouldn't be surprised, seeing as how the economy is in a current slump and the era of daimyo who actually gave a shit about the people they ruled under instead of the cash that lined their already bursting treasury was coming to an end. Same with samurai and ninjas; they either turned into hit-men, hired assassins for the government, ran local gangs in towns or the occasional red light district. That was a long time ago when the change started, back during my grandfathers years, the decline had really started by the time I was five years old.

Now, the cities are polluted and streets filled with crime; muggings are commonplace where I live and it doesn't hurt to carry a knife or two around. Murders do occasionally happen, though most of them are covered up due to the efficiency of the gang system that rules this section of town. Hell, the fact that you actually saw a murder on the local news was probably because of the gangs, seeing as some of them do promote anarchism and often kill lower ranking politicians to send a message. Any good politician would have at least some kind of protection from those types of gangs, whether it was another, rival gang or just some mercenaries for hire. Not to say that only politicians were murdered; it could happen to anyone, but the chances were higher if you were affiliated with a gang or just the 'darker' parts of this section in general. I can't tell how many drug cartel members, brothel owners, or even casino owners I've seen killed, or killed myself, in the span of a couple years. People die often in this harsh world, and that's just a fact of life. It's better not to be attached to anything or anyone, lest it eventually kill you in the end. Well, that's how I see things and I doubt anyone else living here would disagree.

I shrug, trying to get my thoughts together, and watch the sole man in front of me as he waits. My opponent only stares at me with contempt in his eyes, the grip on the handle of his katana tightening as he begins to charge. The pistol he used to hinder my sword fighting ability had been thrown away, laying a few feet away from his side, the gunpowder and one bullet laying near the barrel. _You bastard...How could you do this? Why? They are only using you, you know. Once they don't need you any longer, you'll be cut down. _I think, my resolve crumbling as I can see the hesitant expression in his eyes.

Of course he'd hesitate a little; we'd known each other for about two years. I wouldn't call us friends, as we never really got to know one another, but we did have some sort of camaraderie from our time in Xiao's gang. That didn't mean I'd let him off easy, I'd kill him as soon as I'd kill any rival gang member, and rules are rules. Once you have joined up with a gang, you stay there until your death or the gang's disbandment, which never really happened since the leader would usually appoint a right hand man who would take over in case he died. That was just part of the hierarchy; no one really disputed it, it was what it was. No exceptions were made even for the higher ups, and the penalty for breaking that rule, which was one of the higher ranked on our code of conduct, was death by a fellow member. This was why I had come here, to this shitty little apartment in the suburbs, where he was last seen. I was ordered to kill him along with a few others, since we were some of the few who had known him the longest and thus understood his fighting style. The assault had not gone as easily as we had planned, as our rivals had been waiting to ambush us in the shadows.

They had used him as bait, knowing we would try and go after him so he could not give out our secrets, and we fell for it. Maybe 'fell for it' wasn't the right expression, as we knew they'd try something like this, we just weren't sure how they would do it. _Still, to take out six of our men...they have some skill. We should not have underestimated them because they were only ranked 215, numbers mean little here in this living hell. Out of all the six sectors in our small town, the small slice they occupy is known for producing 'members' of an above average quality. Maybe leader was too rash in his decision to send us after this guy. This loss in manpower will weaken us, something we can ill afford if we are preparing for conflict with others. Besides, leader would need this information anyway since we have little on this gang's strengths as is. Now that we know their preferred method of attack and understand how they train their recruits, it would be good to get this back to one of our own bases; provided we have some in this sector of the city. I must make it back alive! _I steel myself, meeting his charge head on, my heels digging into the woven fabric of the tatami mat. With my weaker grip and damaged shoulder, I am not able to parry his attack, my arms unable to push against his blade as effectively as before. He easily slices the right side of my face, leaving a deep gash from ear to cheek, before he backs away to prepare another strike.

I grit my teeth, the pain only slight compared to the nauseating feeling coming from the wound on my shoulder. There's no way I can beat him like this; my small cuts and bruises. along with the fatigue from fighting and dodging so many attacks from both the raid on this apartment and my duel with him and several others have tired me to the point where the only chance I have to win is to kill him along with myself. That would not be the best option, even though the leader did say to bring him back. Despite the priority that no information gets out about our forces, it would be better for me to stay alive and report this failure and let him escape if need be. The decrepit apartment has no easy way out, the window next to my opponent seems to be too high a drop with the injuries I have. I could try escaping into one of the rooms behind me, but I have a feeling that none of them will lead to any escape routes; I had already scanned a couple of them thoroughly while taking out some of the enemy's men. Still, there were a few rooms I had not checked and being in an apartment of this size, no matter how dingy it was for a base, there had to be a secret way out.

Taking a deep breath, I reach into my back pocket and produce a couple knives, the blades shine alerting my opponent I was going to attack. He did not see what I was holding since the small ceiling lamp had broken during the ambush, leaving the room we were in darkened almost completely aside from the small corner where the light from the outside window illuminated his figure. I throw the knives and turn to run towards the right most door in the room. Barreling through it with my shoulder, the hinges easily fall apart and knock the door down, my body rolling across the bloody floor which was littered with pieces of dead bodies. _Geez, talk about thorough...They really got us good, damn it! _I think as I scan the room, seeing the torn and ripped bodies of my comrades on the stained wood floor as I try and look for an exit. Swallowing the bile that was making its way into my esophagus, I see that there is another window to the left of my position, this one leading to a metal grating that went both up and down. Seeing as it was my only chance, the only other option being a doorway that led into the master bedroom, I dashed over to the open windowsill and vaulted over the edge, deftly landing on the metal with a small thunk.

I could already hear the footsteps of the other man on my trail, and I began to panic. Fighting the desperation that was in my heart, I sped for the stairs leading downward, leaping over them and clearing the three meter obstacle with ease. My shoulder sent out a wave of sharp pain, causing me to stumble and nearly topple over the railing into darkness of the alley below. I righted myself using my hand, and quickly spun around to find the other set of stairs leading down. Every breath I took was heavy and I could feel the metallic taste of blood coating the back of my throat; My body was getting fatigued from the strain, but there was nothing I could do about it now. It was either get out of here alive, or end up another casualty. Steeling myself I began to take the stairs two at a time, seeing as jumping down them wasn't such a smart idea.

I just made it to the bottom of the landing when something sharp grazes my right hand, leaving a small gasp across my palm, making me drop my katana with a loud clatter. Wincing in pain I look up to see his face glaring down at me, his eyes hard and cold as his mouth curls into a grimace. I sneer back, the dripping trail of blood from his earlier attack already dry due to the chill of the air, sticking to my face and giving me a scary look when coupled with the shadows. He only scoffs, swirling his sword from side to side in a rhythmic pattern meant to display his skill with the blade. I snort, not impressed with his overly-zealous display, and move to pick up my katana with my right hand.

I grab the handle and manage to roll out of the way as he leaps toward me, his katana stabbing out in an attempt to skewer me. I grunt as my back slams against the metal railing and start to right myself, but a slash from his katana cuts my stomach from the ribcage, despite the thin lining of chain mail I'm wearing beneath my shirt. His blade is still lodged in my left side, and he thrusts it even deeper until I can feel the metal wiggling around inside my body, trying to cut veins and organs. I wheeze, kicking out with my foot in order to trip him. He topples backwards slightly, giving me time to dislodge the katana in my ribcage and lash out with a short horizontal chop. He screams out in pain, two of the toes on his left foot along with the top of his black sneaker go flying away to land on the already bloodied metal, the middle toe's top section cleaved partway.

"_AAAaaaarrrrggh! _You...I'll end you...former comrade or not...!"

He shouts, reaching into the back pocket of his navy blue jeans. _He has another gun, I bet. Well, let's see how good his aim is after this! _Determined not to be killed so easily, I half-crawl, half-limp towards him, even though he now has the gun partly out of his pocket. He turns it on me in the next couple seconds, but I am able to swing the katana before it fires, missing slightly in my panic to hit him before the gun went off. Said bullet shot past me, and made a small hole in the brick wall behind where I was before, leaving a small mark a couple centimeters wide. I smirk at seeing his look of surprise, noticing that my strike had cut a mark in the side of said pistol, and quickly use this chance to slice once again at his outstretched arm. He screams out once more, but I quickly silence him by slitting his throat, the spray of blood painting my face and neck crimson along with parts of my hair.

"Sorry...but rules are rules. Now to get out of here before people start getting too curious for their own good..."

I mutter, groaning slightly as I try to stand up, the pain in my body coupled with the fatigue making me shudder. My injuries weren't as bad as I had initially thought; the only one of pressing concern was the bullet lodged in my shoulder and stab wound in my side. It luckily hadn't penetrated anything vital, so I only had to worry about the blood loss from the deep gash. Thank the Gods we had a couple places near here that were used for surveillance and spying on enemy territory; though it would be a hike with my wounds. Pain shot throughout my body, droplets of blood leaking out of the corner of my mouth as I panted.

It really didn't matter which safe-house I went to; both were managed twenty-four hours a day by our operatives, in case of emergencies. Feeling slightly woozy, I decide to go to the one that is closer to this apartment, even though that would mean I'd have to risk being connected with this incident. The city, or should I say this gang, isn't going to keep quiet about having some of its members dispatched. They'd try to target me now; even if I'm not on official business for the gang, but I am prepared to deal with that. They can hound me all they want; it's not like I've got anything to lose besides my pathetic life.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Finally have a planned out idea for this, making documents with condensed plot is much easier, trust me it makes writing ten times easier. The only problem now is finding time to write in between tests, essays and projects. Enjoy more shameless fanservice, wheee! I told you in the beginning, this will have plot but more fanservice than anything. Odd, it didn't feel like it took as long as it usually does to write this chapter.**

… … …

**Inside the Book**

"Tch...This is fucking lame. Oh well, not much I can do about it now."

I mutter to the wooden ceiling, watching as the lights overhead bathe the room in a pale glow. _This is what I get for overexerting myself. _I think, turning my head to the left side in order to look at my bandaged arm which was hanging from a sling. I blink as I notice that I am half-naked, the bandages covering my torso and extending to part of my thigh a slight pink from the blood seeping through. Luckily, the loose navy sweatpants cover my legs so I'm not too exposed; still, I would have liked to have my other shirt too. They must have not healed all the way, which Is reasonable, seeing as I was pretty badly wounded. Besides, with my broken arm there was no way getting a shirt on would be easy, and unwrapping my bandages would also be less complicated for both me and the helpers here. Still, the bastards could have given me something to cover myself with, seeing as the cot where I was laying did not have any blankets. No one else was in here, seeing as the rooms were designed for one person only, but it still left me feeling vulnerable. I saw something dangling in front of my face, and grab It out of curiosity. I realize that it is a chain to a bell which is hanging to the metal headrest. The bell then connects to something that looks like wires, or possibly pipes, in order for the sound of the chime to be heard from the servants room. I grin slightly, having been here before to use their other services; this was to call for a service person to take your 'order'. Maybe I could fulfill my hunger later, after I rest up a bit. My blade, and some of my other weapons and knapsack were laying next to the door, which was closed. My previous outfit had probably been discarded, or at least given to someone to be cleaned and repaired, which I didn't mind.

Thankfully the nurses who ran the place knew what they were doing, unlike most of our safe houses along this district of town. I wasn't sure how long I'd been out for, it was hard to tell from the view of the windows showing the outside since the smog and lights from buildings weren't any clear indication of the time of day. All I can do now is wait to either be praised or chewed out by the leader of out group, and I am not looking forward to the latter. Living with deadbeat parents who treated you like shit, calling you useless and a waste of space, while they fed their addictions with the money that was whored out to them by the government could put a damper on a kid's outlook on life. Sure I was cynical, but how could anyone not be growing up in a place that tried to eat you alive from the day you came out of the womb? Using my right hand, which was still sore from the previous encounter, I touched my chin and ran my finger across the jagged scar that went from my jawline to my left eye.

Unlike my other wounds, which were from battles I had while in this little posse, this one was different. This was not from any true battle, no blood had been shed but my own. I've had the damned thing for as long as I can remember, when one of my _great _and _supportive _parents decided that I was talking too loud while they were enjoying their daily dose of heroin. Mom figured putting a couple cuts on my face would make me shut up, obviously this was going to have the opposite effect, not that they could riddle that out with their drug addled brains. I don't remember how old I was when it happened, just that my life has been a living hell since then. It is slightly better now that I am on my own, able to do most of what I want, though the gang rules are strict and enforced well. I'll probably get demoted back to a common scrub for what I did back at the apartment, no more commanding people around and leading sieges into other gang's territories. I can live with it though; There's still plenty of ways I can prove myself, in a city like this where whores roam the streets as information brokers and drug dealers that are actually spies in disguise. Japan's a pretty crummy place, at least on this small island surrounded by the mainland. I wonder what other lands are like, even the bigger islands could be better than this. Hell, maybe America wouldn't be a bad place to go either, or possibly England, not that I'll ever accrue the money to be able to go overseas.

"America, the land of opportunity, eh? Bet that place is just as much of a shithole as here is, they just hide their corruption better while we flaunt it for the world to see. Nothing's ever perfect, no matter how much you try to cover up its ugliness, some spots still show."

I comment, a small smirk making its way across my face. Trying to move my body proves both futile and painful, so I can only lay back onto the white pillow that was provided for me, the small cot starting to soak red with the blood from my healing wounds. The sound of the door opening makes me turn my head to the right to watch as the door creaks outward slowly. I don't bother to cover myself since there is no point, and they have probably seen me like this before anyways. This wasn't the first time I had come here of my own accord, though most of the visits were for different reasons than medical treatment. One of the healers walks in, noticing that I am awake almost as soon as they look this way. It was a guy, which I found surprising, seeing as most of the healers in this particular safe house are women. Not to say that men can't be healers; its just unexpected seeing as most men in the gang wish to go for combative roles. The few who don't are either shafted into our intelligence network, record keeping, or healing duties. Those men can fight, and we don't treat them less for it, everyone has a certain place where we belong. Hell, most of the women I've known in the gang was because I was commanding them in squads or vice versa. The job you get applies to the skills you have, and some people just don't have any skills, so they are regulated to lower end jobs. Promotion is always possible, even within the archives division, and not many people can put up with doing that kind of work. I know there's no way in hell I'd be able to go through file after file every day, it's just way too boring for me.

While I'm busy thinking about this, said healer comes over to where I am laying, looking down at me with a smile that creeps me out when I notice it. _What's with that look? Either this guy is too friendly or he's in good mood for some reason. _I mentally comment, wincing as the male medic forces me to sit up so he can clean my bandaged torso. The healer, who I now notice is a teenage boy of about fourteen years, looks at me with something akin to sympathy. He is short but lanky, his cheekbones thin and skin pale, his arms like twigs. I squirm and stiffen a bit as his hands go over the wounds in my side and shoulder, letting out a sharp gasp as he pokes where the blade had lodged itself in my left ribcage, leaving a deep gash a couple centimeters wide in diameter. I swat his hand away, glaring at him with killing intent.

"I know it hurts, sir, but I have to check your bandages and clean your wounds so they don't become infected and prove a bigger problem."

"Well be more gentle next time, dammit! This hurts like hell, not like a kid like you would know. How'd someone so young wind up with a job like this. Don't you at least have a family or parents? Someone to look after you?"

I curse, watching as the boy's expression turns sad and melancholy. His purple bangs hang in front of his face, obscuring his expression from my sight. After a few seconds, he looks at me again, an expression of pain crossing his features. I can see something else in them too, like anger or resentment.

"Not anymore...They died when I was still quite young. I think it was around the time of that epidemic a half a decade ago."

He mutters, his eyes narrowing as he stares at me. I nod, thinking back to that time, which honestly felt like an eternity ago. No one knew when it started, people just started falling ill. I had been part of the gang since then, and most of us received enough money to be able to buy vaccinations for the disease. The shit was pretty costly too, I don't think most normal people could afford it back then, not the way our economy was with such high unemployment. Only the lowest of the low joined a gang, when you were down on your luck and it wasn't something that most respectable people would do. The jobs were often dirty, morally corrupt and if you were caught by the government it'd be the end for you. Even when I joined up, I was already alone with no one to take care of me, having run away from home when I was small. A kid like this though, who still had a chance to make something of himself in life shouldn't be forced to do these kinds of things. He was only attending to people's wounds now, but what if he grew up to be a killer, like myself? Hell, he could stuck with something worse even; there were a lot of creepy old men and women who'd see him as a sex object. Some of the younger, more feminine looking boys were kept as potential male escorts, most of their profit going towards the gang they served, same with the women prostitutes. I clear my throat, causing him to look at me again.

"I see...You really shouldn't be doing jobs like this you know, no matter how much it pays. There are a lot of weirdos in this world who'd easily take advantage of your innocence."

I mutter, gripping the boy's shoulder with my one good arm and tug him towards me. His face is shocked, a sharp gasp coming from him as I pull him closer to me, so that our faces are only a couple inches apart. Cupping his chin in my hand, I put my mouth next to his ear, running my tongue over it. I make sure not to go too far, seeing as this was just a warning, and gently bite his lobe with my teeth, caressing it with the tip of my tongue. He tugs away from me, but even weakened my grip is too strong for him, and he only ends up stumbling a little. His expression is fearful, his eyes wide like a caged animal, understanding his position. Satisfied with myself, I pull away from him, my expression fierce and darkened as I stare into his sparkling eyes.

"That was nothing. This kind of life will take you to hell and spit you back out, and most commit suicide before getting anywhere. Only the tough can make it here, this isn't a place for children. If you need money, go look somewhere else kid, 'cause this job doesn't earn much and you end up doing a hell of a lot of disgusting work."

"I...I...need the cash t-though..."

He weakly protests, backing away from me, his face still wearing an expression of terror. I snort, moving to try and get off the bed completely, but the throbbing pain in my chest causes me to double over. I cough a few times, blood leaking out of the corner of my mouth, as I lay back on the cot.

"Go...get my bag. There should...be enough cash...for a couple months worth rent in a shoddy apartment. Go tell whomever is running the place...that you quit. And if I see your face here again...it won't be good for your health. Got it?"

He nods, going towards my knapsack by the closed wooden door. Fishing out at least 250,000 Ryo, he looks at me, confusion evident in his face as he looks back at the wad of cash in his hands.

"Take the fucking shit, already! No kid should have to live life like this. Hell, no one should, but this ain't a perfect world. We've gotta live with what we're given..."

I comment, watching as the kid pockets the money without hesitation now. His eyes are still afraid of me, which is to be expected, but there's also determination in them now. I mentally smile to myself; It wouldn't get the kid out of this hell of a country, but his life won;t be so hectic for a while. He won't have to scrounge through garbage looking for lost change, or beg in order to get leftover food, not to mention some of the others jobs he could be doing...I involuntarily shudder at the thought, which prompts the kid to stare at me before chuckling.

"Oh right, your clothes should be fixed by now. I'll go get them, and thanks mister. This means a lot."

"Whatever. And don't bother bringing my old outfit; I'm not gonna need it for a while, if you understand my meaning."

I command, causing his face to flush as he realizes what I'm saying. The boy practically bolts out of the room then, probably thinking that I meant to use him. I snicker, the thought had crossed my mind and he wasn't a bad looking kid, but he was too young for me. Besides, the whores here are probably more experienced than he was, not that I was up to anything too strenuous but some light exercise might help take my mind off of things. With that thought in mind, I tug on the small chain that is almost invisible, listening to the clear and mellow chime it gives off. It only takes somewhere in between five to ten minutes for a hostess to arrive, the woman shows up even dressed in a kinky maid outfit. She's mostly average looking, with long legs and juicy thighs, like most of the women hired here. She moves over to me quickly, wondering if I need anything else or if I would like a different partner. I glance over her once more with my eyes, an almost-feral smirk spreading over my lips.

"No, you'll do just fine, sweetheart...We can't do anything too rough though, but I'll try and treat you nice."

"Whatever you desire, as long as you can pay for it."

I stop there, thinking over my current financial situation. After giving the boy about half of the money I had saved up, I should be fine for a while, even cooped up like this. I wouldn't be able to do any hard jobs for a while, but I could get paid for doing quick chores around headquarters to get extra cash. I'll be fine as long as I don't go too crazy while staying here, and remember to have some home cooked meals every now and again. My conviction set, I quickly pulled her towards me, our lips meeting together harshly as she falls on top of me. I moan a bit, the pain in my chest still affecting me, while I scope out her mouth with my tongue. Misinterpreting my moan, she pushes her own tongue deeper into my mouth, her saliva coating the back of my teeth and roof of my mouth as she goes inside. I feel the budding of an erection, but it's not quite there, as my hands start to roam around her chest, pulling down the skimpy black and white corset that covered her breasts.

… … …

**Real World**

"Hggn..."

Moaning, I gingerly turn over so the light of the sun isn't shining in my face. The ground is hard and slightly uncomfortable underneath the padding of my bedroll, but I'm used to it. I just lay there for a couple minutes, watching the canopy of trees overhead to clear my grogginess. No one else in our four man team was awake yet, evidenced by Asuma's snores over to my right, and the messy shock of purple hair across from us that was obviously Anko's, She was tangled up in Genma's bedroll, or was it the other way around, I honestly didn't care enough to see the difference. My body twitched then, causing my heart rate to speed up and my palms to sweat. It had nothing to do with those two, and I've experienced it enough times by now to realize what the sensation meant. My brain could only focus on the lack of chakra in my system, even though I was more or less fine after sleeping for this long. We hadn't ran into any enemy ninja on our way to the specified location, and we were mostly taking a break so our bodies would be rested up for more travel. I couldn't take the strain though, my hands twitching and trembling in front of me as I stare at them. It had been a while since I had eaten any soldier pills, even though I didn't really need them since my last mission a week ago. I was finally able to work again, and though it was slightly stressful, I enjoyed helping out the village and my comrades. I would do anything for the village, well almost anything. I look at the two tangled figures across from me, trying to focus my distracted mind on something else.

What those two did on their own time really was none of my business, and besides, we were currently on a mission and had more important things to do than foster relationships. Not like I could blame them, most ninja didn't live long enough to see twenty-five, so quick flirts and flings like this were common. Ninja never stayed in a committed relationship for long, breaking up or the death of the partner inevitable in this kind of work. Stress was high in a job where you could die in an instant, go on a mission and never come back, or return psychologically damaged. I was honestly surprised the two lasted this long, seeing as Anko's tendencies for kinks and Genma's laid back attitude were so far apart. I never really noticed how similar the two of us were, besides the fact that Genma was more of a player than I was; he loved using lame pick up lines to try and score while we were out drinking. For him to be attracted someone like Anko, none of us ever would have thought he was that kinky, though he had shown signs. I chuckled to myself, remembering them as kids in the academy, and how even then they picked fights on one another.

Letting out a small yawn, I easily dislodge myself from the sleeping bag and moved towards my backpack, grabbing the pair of pants that were lazily slung over the closed bag and put them on. Slipping on my sandals, I look up at the sky, watching the clouds move carelessly over the slowly rising sun, the reds, pinks and purples making it look almost surreal. I had gotten up a little too early, we were supposed to move out in an hour or two, but that didn't bother so much. In fact that was sort of a good thing, I lied to myself, my heartbeat increasing once more as I look at my bag, my hands getting ever closer to it. Going through one of the smaller pockets of my bag, I pull out a tan pouch, the thing about as small as my fist. Checking to make sure no one was awake, I slowly crept away from my sleeping bag to the forest beyond. I wasn't too far away from the camp, as I could see the last embers of our fire burning away in the distance out of the corner of my eye. If anyone was suspicious, I'd just say I was on watch. I weigh the bag by shaking it up and down, my slightly bloodshot eyes narrowing as I saw I was getting low on pills. I would just have to restock when we got back from the village, though I wasn't sure how long my sanity could hold. If I had a couple now, it would make it easier, and I'd need the extra energy in case something happened. Excuses like these ran through my mind, my palms sweating from the withdrawal as I untied the pouch and took three of the little black spherical pills.

I can feel the pills' effects spreading throughout my body, as they are being absorbed by my chakra network. It is dangerous to overload the body with excess chakra, more so if the person's network was never meant to hold such a large amount, but I don't care. This isn't bothering anyone, and the situation would be worse if I don't take the pills. The feeling is almost euphoric as the energy flows throughout my body, my eyes widening and pupils dilating as the full effects hit me. I re-tie the bag and stuff it in the pocket of my pants, not wanting to eat anymore right now, though I was sure I would try later. I had the strength in order to hold the urges, if they came, so the future didn't really bother me. I am too concerned with the present, the feeling from the pills and combination of extra chakra overloading my network making me feeling almost lightheaded. I pant heavily as I feel the sensation go away, the high from the pills mostly gone now, replaced by a feeling of tiredness.

The chakra is still there in my system, but not doing anything to me physically, its mostly affecting my capabilities for ninjutsu. Since I had an average chakra capacity to begin with, my jutsu aren't as powerful as they could be, but thanks to the pills this problem is fixed. I easily make the signs for a Lighting Blade, a grin spreading across my face as the jutsu activates. The current of chakra is stronger than before, ripping my fingerless glove and causing parts of my skin to flake off, revealing the bleeding pink flesh beneath. It stings a little, but I feel fine and plunge my glowing hand into one of the trees in front of me. My hand has made a hole in the bark of the tree, about five inches deep and around in diameter, the leftover electricity spreading along the cracks and into the bark. Splinters of wood fly upwards as the current moves and dissipates only a few seconds later, the electric current ripping apart the bark to show the light colored inside. Satisfied with the result, I turn and walk away from the now splintered tree, the chakra in my hand already a wisp of blue smoke as I head back to camp. No one had heard me apparently, though Asuma had turned over in his sheets and was facing me, Anko and Genma still cuddled underneath each other. I smirk, kneeling down to roll up my sleeping bag and put it away, confident that no one will find out my problem.

"Ha...hahaha...Ahahahahaha!"


End file.
